Don’t “Should” on Yourself

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About two years ago I did a program that helped teach new skills to deal with anxiety and depression. While it was mostly a half ass job of group therapy it did teach me quite a few things and my favorite being the idea that we are always ‘shoulding’ on ourselves.

The basic idea is this – so much time is spent with our thoughts whether you are an anxious person or not. Sometimes our though sound like this: “I should be trying harder” “I should have a better job” or my favorite “I shouldn’t feel this way”. The only thing these thoughts do is make us feel bad because if there is a ‘should’ there is something that we are telling ourselves we are missing. We also often create a narrative that if we are missing something then we are not capable which is not true.

 This move has left me ‘shoulding’ on myself quite a bit. “I shouldn’t have done this” “I should like it right away” “I should be trying harder” and sometimes “I should just go home”. These thoughts make me feel SO bad. I feel less than, I feel incapable of making good decisions for myself and like I am a failure. In reality… “I may not like it now but it will get better” “Wow this was a big decision, but I am proud of myself for doing it” and even just “Shit, I am out of my comfort zone today, but that is O-K!”.

Thoughts have a way of spiraling, especially when they are negative. I am always trying to be nicer to myself and this practice is one that is particularly challenging but rewarding when I am able to figure it out! The only thing we ‘should’ be doing is whatever we need to love on ourselves.

 I challenge you to ask yourself when you ‘should’ what the real phase could be. Is it just a simple rewording once you take a step back? Or is it something that may not being going good and it is time to reach out and get support to turn your should around.

You are your best advocate, your own best friend and can’t be replaced – remember that today!!


Vlog 6: My Mental Health Journey || Revlon #ICanSoIDid

This week Revlon challenged me to share a story about how I could so I did and I knew that it was the perfect time to let my youtube audience in on what my blog readers already know well: my mental health story. But even if you have read everything up to this point I open up a bit more about the exact events that led me to where I am today.

Full Sweepstakes Information:

Revlon #ICansoIDid:

More mental health posts on my blog: here


My Recent Mental Health Lapse

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I asked you guys on Instagram stories what blog post you wanted to see next and you guys voted for another Mental Health blogpost. I wanted to honor that and take you guys into my recent mental health lapse that I shared with you all.

The truth is…

Since my last mental health post on this blog (read all of them here) I have had way more than 1 “lapse” but that is just reality when you have anxiety and/or depression. This last one though hit me hard enough that I wanted to share. Lately I have been riding up on a great wave of highs. I have been getting through school, getting excited about my future with Jon and planning all types of fun events such as our engagement party.

Well after a high my low hits me even harder. When I run on adrenaline and excitement and forget to workout, take care of my back and start eating like soooo much sugar because why not? I begin to become susceptible to a bit of a mental health break. After a very packed and exciting weekend last week Monday hit me like a truck. I felt out of my body, completely stressed and overall just not able to “pull it together”.

My back felt like crap, I couldn’t sleep and my energy was low. Normally this is a BIG bell that comes on in my head to focus on ME and take care of myself. Well the bell didn’t have enough time to give me warning because of such a busy schedule and by the time I focused on me it was tooooooo late. Guys it was bad.

I don’t want to make anyone feel like there isn’t hope but I do want you all to know that if you are experiencing a down it will come back up. You have survived 100% of these days when you thought you never would. I am coming out of the other side of a hard few days (that felt like months). I was crying nonstop, shaking, feeling SO unsafe, having flashbacks and I even got up and RAN out of a huge class mid panic attack. It may not seem that bad but I still have a body left feeling week tired and I am not going to lie, a bit scared that it will happen again.

Heres what I did to get myself feeling like “me” again:

  1. Called my therapist

  2. Well first I called Jon because he could come over and my therapist couldn’t but he is not trained so the therapist was important.

  3. Took a break from my phone - I ALWAYS have to do this when my mental health is slipping

  4. Drink as much water as I could even when I wasn’t thirsty

  5. Try to eat healthier - this meant getting rid of those Girl Scout cookies

  6. Focus on breathing - I do this by practicing meditation, yoga and tricks from my Therapist

  7. Journal in the morning. I like to write down my subconscious thoughts out on paper before I pick up my phone in the morning. I find this really helpful.

Thank you all for everyone who reached out. I appreciate all of you so much for letting me help break this mental health stigma in our world today.


How to Survive: Anxiety in College

I wanted to write a post about how having anxiety and depression in college has affected me! For those of you who want to know more (hi new readers! Thanks for stopping by) head over to my mental health page here where you can hear the rundown of my full journey up to now!

Ok, now that you are caught up lets get into what having a mental disorder shall we call it affects my college life. To start off with I want to make this point: some days it affects it tremendously and others not at all, but that is a result of the tumultuous nature of both of these disorders not just my college framework I am working in!

In college there are a few things that really get affected: class, social life (drinking is involved here) and finally overall outlook on life. Lets break those down shall we?

  1. Class (or school in general)

    College is a very stressful time because you are being challenged academically through four years of rigorous learning. At the University I attend it is fast paced with many different course taken throughout the year (more than most universities). My anxiety really comes into play here in a few ways: 1) starting a new class freaks me out. I get worked up about who will be in it, how will the professor act and will there be required attendance??? (because if yes HELP). I combat this with deep breaths and ripping the bandaid of the first day off because it gets betters. Finally 2) assignments. If I am having a particularly hard day it is nearly impossible to study or do homework. I suggest reaching out to your University to see what accommodations you can request to help support you. This has given me room to be anxious or depressed without letting my grades slip!

  2. Social life

    Helloooo anxiety. I don’t have much social anxiety, but when I am panicking, anxious or depressed the last thing I want to do is be around a bunch of people I don’t know at a bar or house party. This really took a toll on my social life but I figured out a HUGE secret this past year: bars and drinking are not the only way to be social! You can get coffee, have a study date, go out to meals etc etc. You don’t have to put yourself in situations you aren’t comfortable with because “thats what you do in college”, but I do encourage you to try new things on good days because you never know you may actually have fun at that random guy’s pregame!

  3. Outlook on life

    The closer I get to the end of my college time the more this comes into play. My least favorite question is “oh what are you doing after graduation” or the classic “what are you going to use that degree for”. Without anxiety and depression these can feel heavy enough, but when you don’t know when you are even going to take you're next breath they are impossible to think about! Here is my solution: find something to get excited about. Who cares if you don’t know what you are going to be doing a year from now or for life. Answer those questions with a simple “still in the works!” and bring you're mind to the next best thing on you're plate. This could be a concert coming up, a date, a fun activity anything to take the weight of the future off your shoulders because trust me you don’t need to carry that around!

I hope this helped you guys reading this! These tips don’t apply to just college, but considering the demographic of my readers it felt appropriate. I am sending you good vibes and positive thoughts today - YOU GOT THIS!